Mindfulness

How not to lose your mind raising children

/ Naomi Wittlin / Leave a comment

All of a sudden, there’s space. Glorious empty space for breathing and relaxing into, like a large soft chair with a chenille blanket and a cup of chamomile tea offering cozy reflection time. I’m not sure what prompted the shift in perspective, for that’s exactly what it is… A different way of processing pretty much exactly the same circumstances.
Sweet girl still needs me as much (dare I say “more than”?) as always, asking for my time and attention and dreading separations, but I don’t mind anymore.
I seem to have acquired the ability to distance myself from the emotion that is this three and a half year old spinning ball of energy and moods, yet still observing and responding as need requires, like before. Is this the observer mind that my mindfulness books speak of? I wonder only because I dont feel detached or distant… I love her more fiercely and completely today than yesterday, if that’s possible. All of a sudden, I appreciate who she is in and of herself and love watching her grow and change.
There are some circumstances that prompt an ironic wink or a conspiratorial chuckle from deep within. I can’t seem to find the familiar feelings of frustration and anger when my daughter changes her mind yet again, as she often does. I see myself as part of a motherhood chain that goes back through time. Surely i am the same prehistoric mother who had to run back into the cave for her child’s forgotten security object (perhaps a spoon? A leaf? I don’t know… Were kids allowed childhoods back then or were they put right to work?)
I’ve tried for all these days to get beyond my limitation of exasperation and that sense that too much is being taken from me( time, energy, physical space) with not nearly enough left for myself or anyone else.
When I would carry a magazine article around all day but not getting even a few minutes to read it, or wanting a lazy day when I didn’t have to entertain another person with craft projects, snacks and meals, fun outings or educational teachings.
Sure, I still want those things. But all of a sudden, I see this little person as transient, growing up all too soon and off to live her own life away from me. I have heard from enough empty nesters to realize that the gift of witnessing a childhood should not be wished away. So I am noticing and reveling in all of it … The irrational outbursts, the prideful accomplishments, the firsts and seconds and even the mundane thirds, with a sense of humor and perspective. About time!

I don’t have to solve her “problems” or heal her wounds. She simply needs me to be there. My presence, my attention, my enfolding arms are the most important right now.

Photo-Heart Connection, journal love, and Weekly Photo Challenge

/ Naomi Wittlin / 11 Comments

This is a catch-all post for three different fun projects: the Photo-Heart Connection, some journal photos that a group of friends and I are all posting and sharing, and the WordPress Weekly Photo Challenge.  I hope it doesn’t get too long!

My choice for the Photo-Heart Connection for July was tough… on the return flight home from Chicago last week, I took many photos of clouds from my little window seat.  There were so many different types and colors all layered together and I thought it looked magical.  The one below looked sort of like a little tunnel from a stormy situation into brightness.  Then I got to my car and was exiting the parking lot and saw the one immediately below, with a lovely rim light giving special contrast to the separation of the grey clouds and the bright blue sky.  And I drove through those storm clouds and rain toward sunshine where I got to reunite with my sweet girl.

* * * * *

“Journal writing is a voyage to the interior.” ~ Christina Baldwin

Some friends are doing a party this week of pictures of our journals… we were chatting in our Facebook group about being obsessed with them.  I learned I’m not alone in admiring them, buying them, and then not wanting to sully them with my scribblings.  This could probably be a post in and of itself, but I already have next week’s posts scheduled so we’ll just include it here.  

There’s just a sense of promise, of beginning, of possibility with a brand new and beautifully covered book, don’t you think?

All these pretty covers and yet I began by using boring spiral notebooks…

 I have several travel journals where I pasted ticket stubs, brochures, cards, etc. and wrote about all the inspiration I was seeing around me.  I even found an old Lira note.

I’m sure you all have a journal or two, right? If you like, share how you use them (or not) and what they mean to you.

* * * * *

The WordPress Weekly Photo Challenge is PURPLE.  Well, by the time you read this, I’ll probably be behind again, but here ya go…

My favorite color!

 

Whew! Have a lovely weekend, friends.  Come back on Monday for a post I’m excited to share with you about how a tiny shift in persecutive can change absolutely everything!

Mindfulness music – August 1 OLW blog hop

/ Naomi Wittlin / 15 Comments

This post is part of the One Little Word Blog Hop where members of Ali Edwards’ OLW class share their monthly assignments or something about their word.  Each month, on the 1st of the month, I’ll participate and then give you a link to the next in line (see the full list of participants at the end of this post).

Our assignment for July was to create a personal playlist for our word.  I’ve thought about “mindful” all month when in the car listening to music or even tuning in more when shopping since some stores play music.  Some of these songs are about paying attention to the present moment and some are simply inspiring to me right now.  Sometimes thinking about why a song is meaningful to you can lead to interesting revelations.  Ali told us it’s more about feeling and emotion than finding the perfect song.

1) Each and every time I hear this song, actually written by Bob Thiele and George David Weiss, I appreciate the physical world around me and how remarkable nature can be.

2) I’ve always loved the melody, but the words remind me, at least this month, to keep pursuing dreams and keep the faith that small wrinkles will get ironed out.

3) Simply true of me.  I think this came up in one of the Inner Excavation chapters and I decided to embrace this aspect of myself rather than try to change it.

4) A friend reminded me recently of a biblical teaching.  Each of us has two pockets, each containing a slip of paper.  On one should be written: I am but dust and ashes, and on the other: The world was created for me.  The secret of living comes from knowing when to reach into each.  The first phrase is spoken by Abraham when he realizes that he’s bargaining with God over Sodom and Gomorrah.  The second phrase is from the Talmud, illustrating that we are all unique individuals, though we are formed from the same mould.  We have worth as individuals and yet we are no more special than the next person.  I also love the that nothing in creation is an accident.  Did Chris Martin mean all this? Who knows.  See #3.

5) Hearing the peppy beat of this song simplifies my day.

6) The Shema is the most important prayer of the Jewish worship service and is also recited in the morning upon rising and in the evening before sleep.  Two reasons it’s related to mindfulness for me… First, my parents taught us to say it before bed every night as kids, and they would listen patiently afterward as we would spout off blessings for practically everyone we knew (“God bless Mommy and Daddy and grandma and grandpa and the grocery store clerk and my teacher and Kenny and Kenny’s mommy and …”).  Also, in the worship service, no matter who is following along in the prayer book and who is not paying attention, it seems that everyone pauses when it’s time to recite the Shema.  I close my eyes and hear the entire congregation singing the words together.  I picture Jews all the world over saying the same prayer and I feel solidarity and calmness.

7) I like the idea of “she’ll make her way” by pursuing these qualities.

8) A great reminder that if we just keep putting one foot in front of the other, trusting that it’ll be ok, it often will.

9) This goes back to the idea that there are no coincidences.  Love that!

I’m so glad to be part of this blog hop!  Some of the artwork these ladies do is just incredible! Now, hop along to visit Veronica for the next OLW post.  She (and each thereafter) will send you on down the list from there until you’ve seen them all.  The rest of the participants are listed below.  I encourage you to visit every blog for more creative fun.

You can read other posts related to my OLW here.

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August 1 OLW Blog Hop Participant List

Margie    http://xnomads.typepad.com

Kara    http://iwannabemewhenigrowup.blogspot.com

Monica    http://scrapinspired.com/tag/one-little-word/

Lisa    http://backtoallen.com/category/challenges/one-little-word/

Donna    http://holimess.blogspot.com/

Mrs. Wookie    http://mrswookieswanderings.blogspot.com/

Monica B     http://questtoperfectimperfection.blogspot.com

Ruth        http://suburbansahm.blogspot.com

Naomi    http://poeticaperture.com/ <— You are here.

Veronica    www.veronicanorris.typepad.com <— Go here next!

Carolina    www.micinnamons.blogspot.com

Cindy    http://seriousplay.typepad.com

Kelly    http://mindingmynest.com

Brighton    www.simplebrighton.com

Nikki    http://www.inkyart.com.au

Amanda    http://scrappnbee.blogspot.com

Tere    http://terecontodomicorazon.blogspot.com/

Cheri    http://cheriandrews.blogspot.com

Inner Excavate-along: finding community

/ Naomi Wittlin / 7 Comments

On to the last two chapters of Liz Lamoreux’s Inner Excavation: Exploring Your Self Through Photography, Poetry and Mixed Media.

Liz is leading a couple hundred of her friends through seven weeks of inner excavation on Flickr, on her blog, and through subscribed posts.

The first sentence Liz writes in chapter 6 (titled “I open my heart…”) is “You are not on your journey inward alone.” How refreshing and encouraging! She encourages us to look at how we open our heart to other people in our life and how we might want to invite some people to be part of our creative travels.  WELL…

This is perfect timing because I just had the pleasure of meeting one of you in person! The community that has formed here on Poetic Aperture has been a welcome surprise and it’s been heartwarming to find and connect with so many fellow creative souls through your comments and your own blogs.  I feel solid friendships with so many of you and definitely do not feel alone in anything anymore, knowing there is someone out there who understands the need for creative expression, or the difficulties of being a stay-at-home parent, or the obsession with capturing life through the lens.

Most rewarding is that I have been authentic and wholely myself during this entire blogging adventure and have been blessed with that resounding YES you feel when you find real connections.

I accompanied my hubby to Chicago on a business trip and got to meet Eydie for a long lunch and some art store shopping.  I must admit that before meeting, even though I felt sure we would get along well, I was nervous.  Our afternoon far surpassed any expectations I had and by the time we hugged goodbye I was soaked in feel-good encouragement and support for my artistic journey and so much more.

Eydie and I talked about why we are holding back, waiting for just the right conditions before we move forward, whether it be starting an Etsy shop for her AMAZING jewelry creations or trying to do more with my photography on cards or in print.  I think each of us needed to hear from someone who believes strongly that we have talent and something original to express and that we should move forward.

We also talked about reaching out to artists we admire, how the community of bloggers and artists that we follow is small… and that it’s not too lofty that we couldn’t participate.  Eydie kept saying, “What am I waiting for?” and I got goosebumps each time, excited for her and for myself.  We listened to each other talk about how hard it is to let go in raising our girls, about various classes we have taken, about blogging, about energy healing, about our creative endeavors, and so much more.  We didn’t want to say goodbye and ended up in a bookstore poring over magazines with mixed-media art, altered clothing, and gorgeous photography.

Finding kindred spirits, and I have found so many in the classes I’ve taken over the past couple of years, is such an affirmation.  Meeting one in person makes me feel very brave and confident… like I reached inward and took a huge leap instead of sitting back on the sidelines as usual.

Chapter 7 of Inner Excavation is about creating something (like artwork or a journal) with the photos and poetry we have written over the past few weeks.  Right now, I don’t feel the need to do this, but I know that I will be taking what I have learned from Liz and the other contributors and incorporating it into future canvases and projects.  I am writing more now (poetry even!) and even if it’s just a phrase that comes to me, a word to add to my word list, or a quick thought, I’m recording it in my journal.  Overall, I feel good with what has come forth from within.  I know it is a life-long journey to know oneself and I have more tools now with which to explore.

In case you missed the other Inner Excavation posts, here you go:

Update: Linking up with the July 2012 edition of the Post of the Month Club.

6 months of books: 6 categories

/ Naomi Wittlin / 9 Comments

Oh how I love lists! Inspired by Bellezza of Dolce Bellezza, a beautiful book blog, (here is her 6/6 post), here are some lists about my reading from the first half of this year:

Six books I read most recently:

Six books I enjoyed the most:

Six books that led me into the past:

Six books that led me far away from home:

Six books I started in the first six months of the year and am still reading in July:

Six parenting books:

A little poetry

/ Naomi Wittlin / 5 Comments

Love After Love

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

~ Derek Walcott

Since beginning Inner Excavation and NOW YOU, I have been thinking about what version of myself I project into the world around me.  I think it’s different dependent on where I am or who I’m with.  Who is my true self? Do I even take the time to know her?

Sweet Darkness

When your eyes are tired
the world is tired also.

When your vision has gone
no part of the world can find you.

Time to go into the dark
where the night has eyes
to recognize its own.

There you can be sure
you are not beyond love.

The dark will be your womb
tonight.

The night will give you a horizon
further than you can see.

You must learn one thing:
the world was made to be free in.

Give up all the other worlds
except the one to which you belong.

Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness
to learn

anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive

is too small for you.

~ David Whyte

Don’t you just love that last bit?

Happy Monday, friends! Make it a good one.

The beauty of you: self-portraiture

/ Naomi Wittlin / 26 Comments

you are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
and whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

~ Max Ehrman

This week I began a new class… on self-portraiture.  Aaarhgh.  Coindidentally, Chapter 5 of Inner Excavation (“I look closer”) is also about self-portraits and “a personal journey of discovering new ways to see yourself.”

The new class, NOW YOU, is 6 weeks of lessons with Kristin Zecchinelli and Meredith Winn (Shutter Sisters and all around awesome women and photographers).  Each week we will be exploring a different way of seeing ourselves through our viewfinders.  Their “ultimate hope is that you gather tools along the way that will have you loving YOU right NOW.”

I highly recommend reading this post by Liz about how powerful the gift of letting yourself deeply see yourself can be.  She says, “This is the practice of finding and using creative self-care every day so that when the hard stuff stacks up, you can lean into those tools and feel supported.”  How we think of our bodies is powerful stuff… check out this post from Sunni Chapman on Roots of She.

I am curves and contours, 
soft curls and sunspots.
I am a head tilt and a smile
with that one side dimple.
I am freckles and creases, 
proof of youthful summers spent outside.
 
I am curious, musical, creative,
a lover of words.
I am a seeker of a quiet corner.
I want to be known, nurtured, and loved.

OK so the poetry aspect in Inner Excavation is getting easier, thank goodness! That one only took a few minutes. 🙂

Self-portraiture, at least on day 1, feels selfish and full of self-judgement.  I am far from the self-aware point that Kristin and Meredith (and Liz) describe to be self-care: “a form of therapy, an artistic expression, a long deep look at what makes us who we are.”  The promise of all these things is keeping me going.  I also guess that some day I will want to remember the smoothness of my hands without wrinkles or the brown of my hair without the grey.  I want to appreciate and love my body for what it is now.

I deleted so many pictures in this mirror session except for this one; a face of frustration and doubt.

Lessons learned:

  • Quiet your inner critic as much as you can.  When you look at the photos, let go of how you feel about them and try not to make any judgements about yourself.  (I know…)
  • Crop out any distractions in the photos, like a red cup on the table behind you, so that the eye is drawn to you and the background disappears.
  • Try other fun ways to capture yourself besides looking directly at yourself… perhaps your shadow or reflection, part of your face, your hands, or your closed eyes.
  • Keep in mind that while you may not like how you look today, you may be glad to have these pictures 10 years from now.  It may be a privilege to look back at your younger self.

An announcement and a photo-heart connection: beauty is God’s handwriting

/ Naomi Wittlin / 18 Comments

I am celebrating a private accomplishment today.  As Tracey Clark said on her blog recently, “it’s time we celebrate who we are, where we’ve been and where we are going and all the awesomely brave things we do along the way.” I can hardly believe that my little blog started a year and a half ago hit 100 followers last week. Talk about taking a risk to put myself out there! That people would like to see my photography and read my thoughts baffles me still.  But I am giddily jumping for joy and mentally doing cartwheels in celebration of this accomplishment. I am proud that I began, even though I wasn’t sure where it was going.  I am proud of sharing my photography, dreams, and motherhood struggles.  I am proud that I thought enough of myself to put myself out there… and I am rewarded with so many new friends… YOU!

Making your mark on the world is hard. If it were easy, everybody would do it. But it’s not. It takes patience, it takes commitment, and it comes with plenty of failure along the way. The real test is not whether you avoid this failure, because you won’t, it’s whether you let it harden or shame you into inaction, or whether you learn from it; whether you choose to persevere.  ~Barack Obama

It’s time for the June Photo-Heart Connection! When I looked through the photos I took in June, this one stood out for me.  I snapped it for a Picture Black and White class prompt, but desaturating this of color sort of ruined it for me. 

“Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God’s handwriting.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

The heart and soul connection here for me is that I did not ever notice that this “weed” was so colorful until I visited it with my iPhone macro lens.  In looking at the photo on my computer, I was taken aback at it’s texture, rich color, and delicacy.  Quite a revelation… photography does that for me.  I didn’t see the beauty right before me until I had my lens there to translate it for me.  This happens so often that you’d think I’d be used to it by now, but I still pause in wonder every time.

I am currently participating in Liz Lamoreux’s Inner Excavate-along, and part of one of our prompts recently was to capture the world around us with our cameras, seeking patterns and nuances in how we see things every day.  I was immediately drawn to the words “you already know” in her prompt.  There is so much intuition within me when I’m holding my camera. 

Haven’t done it before? You can learn more about how to find your Photo-Heart Connection here.

See my May photo-heart connection post here.

Inner Excavate-along: I gather and I see me

/ Naomi Wittlin / 8 Comments

On to Chapters 3 and 4 of Liz Lamoreux’s Inner Excavation: Exploring Your Self Through Photography, Poetry and Mixed Media.  Liz is leading a couple hundred of her friends through seven weeks of inner excavation on Flickr, on her blog, and through subscribed posts.  I’ve met some wonderful new friends already through this process and am enjoying seeing how they progress through the prompts.

In chapter 3 (“I gather…”), Liz prompts us to look at what we gather to ourselves and what we are drawn to repeatedly that fills the world we inhabit, gaining insight into who we are and who we want to be.  She asks “who are you?” “what inspires you?” and “how do you nurture yourself?” She is pushing us to “find clues and claim the truths within our thoughts that become tangible on paper.”

I chose to work on the writing exploration segment of this chapter, answering these questions “in poem” about the images and textures of my world right now.

I enjoyed a rare few minutes of quiet when my daughter fell asleep in the car last week.  When we got to our destination, I picked up a scrap piece of paper (yes, my car is a mess!) and jotted this down…

Having looked into our past in Chapter 2, Chapter 4 (“I See Me”) is about where we currently “stand in our lives.” I had fun with a photography series that literally captured my path… my feet and the ground beneath me, “playing with the idea of being rooted in the moment.”

I will be starting a self-portraiture class soon (“Now You“), which is not at all about the photos but more about how we see our authentic selves, and I am nervous.  It’s very difficult for me to be comfortable in front of the camera.  Liz reminds us here that we are in control of how we see our own beauty.  “Give yourself permission to let go of [the assumptions you might have about what photos of our bodies have to look like.”

In the poetry section, we “delve deeper into what the body says, how the body feels, what the body knows.”  It’s a way of looking at ourselves in a different light.

Here are links to previous chapter posts: “I begin” and “I seek.”